“If you are lucky enough to be someone’s employer, then you have a moral obligation to make sure people do look forward to coming to work in the morning” -John Mockey
How Far Is Too Far?
One of the most profound paradoxes in the workplace is the boss-subordinate relationship. Should employers develop close relationships with employees? How friendly should they be? How close is too close? What is the divide between friendship and business? Is it true that the closer you get to your employee the lesser they respect you? What is the balance? How does a boss relate kindly with his/her employees without encouraging nepotism and permissiveness? Should managers maintain straight jacketed faces of “I am in charge, I am the boss”?
From My Personal Experiences
Drawing from engagements and personal experience over the years, maintaining relationships at the workplace present tremendous challenges to both employers and employees. I was perceived as a tough and a very demanding boss. My subordinates believed that the only way to get to my heart is when they do the job and do it beyond my expectation. I was perceived as someone who likes only the good-looking, smart, and hardworking.
In one of our yearly “hold-no-barred” brainstorming sessions, I was described with different colours. Some saw me as pleasant while others thought of me as arrogant and too demanding. The consensus there was that I was fair, and they admonished me that I should give compliments regularly. Listening to this, I tried to change my style and build a closer relationship with them all. However, when I changed and had to work with a new team, I had an interesting encounter with an employee.
She was an easy going and good worker who tried her best to impress me. One day, very early in the morning, she walked up to me and said “Sir, I think I need another boss. I thought we were friends, but you are becoming too tough, and I am scared”. I looked at her and said, “Oh? Do you know what that means? It means we have to restructure and transfer out, by the way, why do you think you need another boss?” She replied “You constantly describe my work of no longer being on par. You complain bitterly about my occasional lateness, Sir, you are too task-oriented, I had thought I could leverage on my being close to you to be treated differently but, I realised that being close to you means nothing when it comes to work. So, I thought that maybe getting another boss will help me.”
In a second scenario, I once worked with a CEO with whom I was quite close. The CEO is down to earth and extremely jovial with excellent people skills. I recall a day when we were both seated in his car, he beckoned to one of the employees and asked for feedback on an assignment. Unfortunately, the guy who is in his early 40’s did not articulate his thoughts correctly. The CEO yelled at him “you can’t do anything right, you are just an idiot. Where do they even get people like you from, you guys are just a bunch of idiots. Fools!”
I saw the man’s eyes turn red instantly, although he is a good worker, committed and dedicated, the experience left a bitter aftertaste. He had heard that the CEO, though jovial, is a bit crude but he had not experienced this. After the incidence and a repeat of it, his mindset shifted, and productivity dropped. Though I told him (the CEO) months after that there is a need for a tongue-in-cheek, but, why couldn’t I tell him immediately, that he didn’t do well? I was his close friend. Maybe I did not want to rock the relationship.
How involved is too involved?
From the two scenarios above we must ask the question of boundaries. We are all social animals; therefore, it is essential to build a good relationship with your team. The primary redefining areas of respect, authority and productivity can be challenging when navigating the line between boss and friend, if not adequately defined the consequences might be more significant than imagined.
Not befriending employees may create a distance and give you the feeling of the “I-am-the-boss-and-in-charge”. However, this may limit your performance as a boss because you will only get to know little that will get you through. The greatest of ideas come from informal interactions with the employees.
It is crucial for bosses to be conscious of the type of relationship maintained with employees. Naturally, subordinates want to curl the favour of the boss and most often than not, they know how to touch the soft tissue in the boss. It is therefore essential that the bosses be conscious of a personal choice and style. While a close personal relationship is required to get the job done and help you influence people, but it can also breed indiscipline and nepotism. In becoming friends with subordinates, I observed that friendliness could be in any of the following forms:
The Permissive Employee-Boss-Friendship: every boss needs a good relationship with employees to thrive and succeed. However, a good relationship with a weak personality will lead to permissiveness and become a recipe for failure in business. Loving your employees does not mean you should allow them to go on their tangent by treating them as adult children or irreverent adolescent. Every manager must understand that permissiveness breeds toxic attitude and the symptom comes in the form of lateness, falling back on deadlines, excessive time at lunch, or social media or acting like Dr ‘Do-Little’ at work and many more. Once permissiveness is allowed for one, it turns to a “cancer” and become the norm in the organisation because employees take undue advantage of your style and those that don’t, become resentful of you and the other employees. Resentfulness and subtle rebellion become the order of the day, as David Remnick’s observed in his book Lenin’s Tomb: The last days of the Soviet empire, depraved systems cause ordinary people to misbehave, and the system makes beasts of them.
The Friendly-Firm-Employee-Boss Friendship: A good boss is an empathetic leader. He gets involved with the employees without getting tangled in issues that will breach trust and cause disharmony in the system. The boss connects genuinely with the employees, earns their respect and trust because the people are sure that he is not just faking his concern for their well-being and growth, but that his judgements are also evidently fair on all.
The Friend-Turned-Boss-Relationship:
Great friendships develop in the workplace, and there are times when these relationships are threatened when a promotion comes to one of them. As a result, friends must now adapt to the new boss-subordinate relationship. From personal experience, this most times lead to some form of resentment and then an eventual loss of the friendship. In other cases, the colleagues continue the “buddy spirit” and throw away accountability that impedes the performance of the whole organisation. The verdict is evident: personal friendship makes it difficult to call friends to order.
Conclusion
A true boss cares for each employee and tries to know them well. Leaders must help to bring out the best in those that they lead. Caring means it is your responsibility to listen to the people’s stories. It is a straightforward way that you will to get to know them and understand what their motivations are. You will also gain insights into steps that they can take in the direction of their dreams to make the best out of life. However, this must be done with a strong personality. Good leaders also recognise that it’s a part of their jobs to tell people when their work isn’t up to par while building a proper relationship with them.
